- By Eden
- Salley
How Co-regulation Builds Executive Function and Self-Control in Children
This article is part of our weekly series Executive Function Tips for Families.
Self-regulation is one of the most difficult skills for young children to master. Kids can find simple tasks frustrating and quickly jump to anger or grow upset. Having the power to help them navigate these big feelings in a process known as co-regulation is a major asset for caretakers. In this week’s blog post, learn how co-regulation can be a powerful tool for guiding your child toward a lifetime of emotional well-being and resilience.
Before We Begin:
Rocking and Rolling. Sharing Our Calm: The Role of co-regulation in the Infant-Toddler Classroom REBECCA PARLAKIA, (2024) NAEYC Publications, explains co-regulation and how it can be a helpful tool for parents.
What Is Co-regulation?
Young children often struggle to manage their emotions on their own. Caregivers can help by paying attention to a child’s signals and then using their voice, touch, and eye contact to help the child manage their emotions. This process of “sharing our calm” is called co-regulation.
Who Can Use Co-regulation?
All caregivers can use co-regulation! This includes not only parents, but teachers and other adults as well. Caregivers who use co-regulation help children start to understand, express, and control their emotions.
Parent Tips
Using these tips in your daily routines can help you provide a nurturing environment for your child. Creating this foundation of emotional regulation can help your child develop self-regulation skills.
- Get to Know Your Child
- Understand your child’s personal expressive style and how they express their emotions, positive and negative.
- Observe what works best to soothe them, whether it’s a calm voice, gentle touch, or a favorite toy.
- Use What Works
- When your child is upset, speak softly and use soothing physical contact, like a hug or a gentle rub on the back.
- Model calm behavior to help your child feel secure and understood.
- Create Consistent Routines
- Establish routines to provide a sense of safety and predictability.
- Consistent nap times, meal times, and bedtime rituals can help your child feel more secure and less anxious.
- Name Their Feelings
- Help your child understand their emotions by naming them (“I see you’re feeling frustrated”).
- Acknowledging your child’s feelings validates their experience and helps them learn to identify and express emotions.
- Provide Sensory Experiences
- Offer calming sensory activities, such as playing with textured toys, water play, or listening to soft music. These experiences can help your child feel relaxed and focused.
- Teach Emotional Awareness
- Use stories, songs, and games to help your child learn about different emotions and how to handle them.
- Practice deep breathing or other calming techniques together.
- Take Care of Yourself
- Remember that your ability to stay calm and regulated affects your child’s ability to do the same.
- Practice self-care and mindfulness to manage your stress and emotions effectively.
More Resources for Families
Here are a few resources to help your child develop self-regulation skills at home.
- Learn: In the activity, Let’s Breathe!, you can make breathing exercises fun and rewarding for both you and your child.
- Play: Check out this free program from Dancing Panda. It helps parents combine playtime and the development of important EF skills, like impulse control.
- Free Resources: For more games and activities to play with your child, check out Free For Parents: Fun Games That Build EF Skills.
Conclusion
By engaging in co-regulation, you can both support your child through difficult emotions and teach them that it’s okay to feel upset. With that foundation, you can work together through tough times and help them feel calm again. This consistent guidance lays a strong foundation for emotional regulation, equipping your child with the tools they need to navigate challenges as they grow.
